Green Eggs and Hamlet

Since I’ve been overseas and teaching English, I’ve come to appreciate Shakespeare more. If you’re in the same boat, you shouldn’t shy away from having a little bit of fun at the writer’s expense. The following (viral) poem –presumably in the public domain (as the earliest copy does not contain a license) and attributed to a Canadian from Toronto named Tim Hnetka– was written in that spirit.

Green Eggs and Hamlet
        -- by Tim Hnetka
I ask to be, or not to be.
That is the thing, I ask of me.
This sullied life, it makes me shudder.
My unc' is boffing my dear mother.
Would I, could I take my life?
Could I, should I, end this strife?
Should I jump out of a plane?
Or lie down in front of a train?
Should I from a cliff just leap?
Could I put myself to sleep?
Shoot myself, or take some poison?
Maybe try self immolation?
To shudder off this mortal coil,
I could stab myself with a foil,
Or slash my wrists while in the bath?
Would it help to end my wrath?
To sleep, to dream, aye, there's the rub.
I'd drop a toaster in my tub.
Would they be happy, with me dead?
Could I murder them instead?
These thoughts take much consideration,
I'm the prince of procrastination.
        -- Tim Hnetka 

The poem above seems to have sparked all sorts of satirical works, as noted by another work –this one in video format– of the same name (performed by the Acme Theater Company).

Green Eggs and Hamlet (the play)


Maurice Cepeda

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